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Oh Yes They Did! The worst album titles ever(ish)

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Naming an album is like naming your first born child, only far, far more important. After all, most babies drop, if you’ll pardon the pun, after a mere nine months, while true works of tortured musical genius can take up to 37 years in the case of the Beach Boys’ “SMiLE” or somewhere in the neighbourhood of 15 for Guns N’ Roses’ “Chinese Democracy” (which, much to the chagrin of dudes standing outside gas station convenience stores around the world, was really bad.)

Obviously, some people put more thought into it than others. No one’s about to fault the Beatles for “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” or Ted Nugent for his mastery of the pun on his live offering “Intensities in Ten Cities”, but we’re more than willing to heap rusty shovelfuls of scorn upon such lame attempts as Shontelle’s “Shontelligence” or Steps’ “Steptacular.”

So, in the spirit of unbridled negativity and in a tone of sheer mockery bordering on hostility, here are 10 albums with names that make us spray diet cream soda all over our unsuspecting monitors.


  1. Steven Page, “Page One”

    Really, would you expect any more from a guy who, if he had a million dollars, would actually eat more Kraft Dinner? That’s just sick, man.

  2. Joe, “The Good, the Bad, the Sexy”

    Obviously, someone was working their way through Clint Eastwood’s filmography after thoroughly enjoying “J. Edgar.”

  3. Leonard Nimoy, “The Touch of Leonard Nimoy”

    It’s a rare title that can achieve both stunning blandness and borderline creepiness. Well done, Mr. Spock. (Honourable mention in the Star Trek category to Brent Spiner – he of “Data” fame – for “Ol’ Yellow Eyes is Back”)

  4. Cross Canadian Ragweed, “Soul Gravy”

    Don’t blame Canada for these guys – they’re as American as Pauly Shore, The Weasel himself. I’m not sure whether soul gravy is gravy that is made of souls, or gravy you pour on top of souls, but I think I shall pass either way. Crushed Dream gravy on the other hand…

  5. Rizzle Kicks, “Stereo Typical”

    The title says more than I could ever hope to.

  6. Nickelback “Silver Side Up”

    It’s the factual inaccuracy of this album title that really gets me. Although the Canadian nickel was originally made of silver when first released in 1858, it’s been a mix of cheaper metals since 1922. So if this album was called, “94.5% Steel, 3.5% Copper and 2% Nickel Side Up,” I’d be inclined to like it more. Then I’d remember that it’s a Nickelback album.

  7. Bump of Chicken, “Yggdrasil”

    This Japanese band decided to buck the English-language title trend (and the Japanese-language title trend) and instead go with something that might escape from the mouth of a thoroughly drunk Madagascan flat-tailed tortoise. Or a Viking.

  8. Captain Beefheart, “Ice Cream for Crow”

    Either truly horrible or one of the very best out there, depending on how much you enjoy feeding crows ice cream, I suppose.

  9. Salt-n-Pepa “A Salt With a Deadly Pepa”

    I’d pay straight cash money to see the titles they didn’t use before settling on this gem.

Any bad album titles burning a hole in your brain? Let us know…

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jidoe's avatar

Devastatin' Dave — "Zip Zap Rap"
http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/content/105804.jpg

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